I’ve just lately taken up having a drunken cigarette every so often. And earlier than you say something, I do know it’s unhealthy for me! Regardless of what it feels like, the transfer is hardly leisure. It’s extra a twisted type of remedy, one which works greatest (or worst) when compounded with the poison already coursing by my veins by the point I’ve lit up. To me, the cigarette is a crude implement, nevertheless it’s my chosen weapon as of late for beating again the dread. I embrace the nicotine wave, permitting it to crash over and soothe me, prolonging the vibe of my buzz after a hearty evening out and maintaining me heat. It’s not a wholesome tactic, nevertheless it’s about all I’ve obtained.
As its identify implies, Zero Parades: For Useless Spies, the brand new RPG from the makers of Disco Elysium, is a spy story. And like many spy tales, its considerations go properly past its setting, the sizable port city of Portofiro. You’re feeling the affect of La Luz, a neighboring nation that’s house to “techno fascists” decked out in garments with holographic patches and neon lights that’d really feel at house in Cyberpunk 2077’s Night time Metropolis. There are plentiful homegrown factions too, like EMTERR, which is commonly simply known as the Financial institution, in addition to the communist Superbloc that sponsors the Opera, the fanciful identify that protagonist Hershel Wilk’s spy company dons. It’s possible you’ll by no means step foot exterior of Portofiro, however the fiction Zero Parades weaves is huge, advanced, and most significantly, deeply intertwined.
Like me, Hershel partakes within the occasional drunken cigarette, too. By the point we meet her, the once-disgraced spy has been roped again into service for one final mission, one which requires her to rummage by the trash of Portofiro and navigate its prison underbelly so as to accomplish the Opera’s imprecise and unclear objectives. Typically, on the finish of a harsh and attempting day sifting by Portofiro’s detritus, I might steer her out of the Fogged Mirror—a regular hang-out from her previous life—and watch her delight within the lighting of an Ouroboros Black, an ideal follow-up to her just lately guzzled schnapps of selection. Collectively, these little acts of solace make up her personal little flirtation with dying. A sick little ritual to cope with the pangs of grief that should rack her all through her return to those ugly, haunted streets.
I hold coming again to those acts of self-medication and destruction. They’re not only for taste; they’re a approach for Hershel (and also you) to steadiness Zero Parades’ three competing gauges that may stress and even break the primary character: fatigue, nervousness, and delirium. Ought to any of them exceed a sure threshold, they start to actively debuff her, and in the event that they max out, one in all Hershel’s numerous abilities is knocked down an entire level. Gamers are inspired to exert themselves—tack on factors to one in all these meters to roll a 3rd die throughout troublesome talent checks—and after doing so, I’d usually let Hershel imbibe and are available down. It’s a vicious cycle, and one which’s integral to the material of Zero Parades, a sport that at occasions feels possessed by an otherworldly and all-consuming ugliness, and is full of figures determined to do something to cope with it.
Portofiro’s persons are on the whims of a lot of this ugliness, feeling the impression of every part from La Luz’s “cultural battle” and risk of annexation to EMTERR’s mockingly named “stabilization” loans which have caused something however. I imply, the Palace of Cultures sits in ruins. Half of the buildings sitting alongside the docks are boarded up, and its biggest market is a bazaar stuffed with odd personalities peddling bootlegs. The folks you meet, the property you reconnect with and recruit to your trigger, are all rehabilitating and coping in their very own appalling manners. Does any of that sound steady? Nobody is coming to assist the folks of Portofiro, and in the midst of all of it is poor Hershel, who has been introduced out of retirement for one impossibly fucked job that may alter its course.
How little management do you suppose Hershel should really feel after being introduced again from proverbial dying and compelled to reckon with the dissemination of her previous crew? Nearly as good as it would really feel to be again within the subject, how do you think about she may really feel being given again her cursed codename after her final mission was so totally butchered? Right here in Portofiro, gone the Finish of Historical past, what hope does she actually have of pulling off this job and making the perfect of a powder keg that’s going to blow regardless of what she does? If I had been thrust into such a flamable state of affairs that I had so little management over, I’d be tearing by these smokes and drinks simply attempting to get by a day.

A vendor named Petre operates out of the Bootleg Bazaar promoting all types of music, most of which he has an obvious disdain for. His gallery, dubbed a “museum of loathing,” seems like an apt metaphor for Zero Parades. If Disco Elysium was identified for its overwhelming ennui, Zero Parades is more likely to go down for its venom and vitriol.
Zero Parades is the most recent sport from ZA/UM, the studio which shipped the landmark 2019 CRPG Disco Elysium and later grew to become engulfed in a sordid split with a few of its unique founders, together with lead designer Robert Kurvitz. Dueling lawsuits, canceled sequels, and a cascade of splinter indie developer spin-offs making an attempt to assert the mantle of engaged on a religious successor to ZA/UM’s debut hit ensued. It’s a legacy that distinguishes the circumstances underneath which Zero Parades was created, and one its new creators have tried to distance themselves from.
Zero Parades seems loads like its predecessor, a sport whose outsized fame has haunted the RPG house since its momentous debut. It’s introduced from an isometric perspective, stars a fuckup and an authority determine, possesses an artwork type that rends magnificence from an unpleasant world, and is, in a phrase, verbose. Hershel, like Disco Elysium’s failed cop, has voices in her head tied to her RPG abilities, like Shadowplay, Personalism, and Entanglement, and everybody within the sport (imagined and literal) speaks like they’re recent off of a philosophy main.

However Zero Parades is completely different from its storied predecessor in some significant methods, too. For instance, it’s definitely extra action-packed. Disco famously wrung wealthy role-playing eventualities from conversations and encounters of the thoughts, however featured little or no in the way in which of fight. Zero Parades doesn’t swing wildly within the different path however, as a thriller taking cues from the world of espionage literature and movie, it does materialize dramatic sequences through which you’re making extra split-second, action-filled selections. These moments aren’t sport changers in and of themselves, however being rewarded for leaning into my fantasy of a dream spy (a bodily power to be reckoned with) was a pleasant change of tempo from the style’s aforementioned wordiness.
Nonetheless, there’s appreciable pleasure to be present in navigating the wealthy worldbuilding on show as properly. Untangling the deep mythos of Portofiro and the forces influencing it from with out and inside is a part of the attraction of Zero Parades. In truth, discovering your self on the middle of a posh narrative internet woven by political and social forces has grow to be an more and more widespread ingredient in narrative-heavy CRPGs extra broadly of late. Although I’ve by no means completed Disco Elysium, I used to be wholeheartedly absorbed in its central thriller and the way in which that it related to the deeply damaged folks of Revachol, town itself, and the world that formed them each. Earlier this 12 months, Esoteric Ebb unspooled an identical story of political intrigue and homicide in a fantasy-inspired setting. Wading by these deep CRPGs these days virtually looks as if a tacit admission: you’re lacking a sure intrigue in your life and are keen to work by advanced methods and dialogues to sate that urge for food for what’s, on the finish of the day, a prolonged thriller novel within the form of a online game.
Zero Parades is not any completely different, starting with the thriller of Hershel’s catatonic colleague and aide, codenamed PSEUDOPOD, earlier than shortly rising right into a swirling morass of conspiratorial threads that may be adopted to the disparate edges of Portofiro and the massively screwed-up world past its flimsy borders. It’s a disgrace that, as Zero Parades‘ internet of lies continues to increase, the bigger plot loses give attention to a lot of its supporting forged, together with the workforce that Hershel is supposed to recruit. Although the primary half of the sport builds as much as some tense confrontations with the ghosts of Hershel’s previous, I can’t assist however really feel {that a} dramatic revelation at concerning the sport’s halfway level shifts the narrative into overdrive, consequently lowering some focal characters like ESTOC and KINDRED to mere pawns within the sport’s grander sport of chess and diminishing the chance for some deeper characterization.
Regardless of these hang-ups, I do get pleasure from most of the locations that Zero Parades finally goes, and man…does it go locations. Because it seems, the world is a goddamn mess.
No Parades: For Useless Spies
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Again-of-the-box-quote:
“A giant ugly sport for an enormous ugly world.”
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Developer:
ZA/UM
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Kind of sport:
Spy-novel-turned-metaphysical-RPG.
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Favored:
Portofiro is a superb, well-realized setting with a enjoyable thriller to unravel, introduced in an arresting artwork type that correctly conveys the ugliness and bitterness of this story and setting.
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Disliked:
The sport’s numerous methods get in one another’s far more than they complement each other, the forged of characters right here aren’t all that memorable due to a plot that turns into muddier the extra it grows.
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Platforms:
PC (Performed a big quantity on Steam Deck).
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Launch Date:
Could 21, 2026
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Performed:
Rolled credit on the sport after about 30 hours, with a handful of sidequests nonetheless hanging.
My operant—my CASCADE—embodied that mess. Like Disco, Zero Parades challenges you with all types of rhetoric, be it concerning the futility of communism or rolling over moderately than preventing an expansionist, capitalistic nightmare. These probes are supposed to harden each you and Hershel, whose responses grant her XP to be doled out to accumulate abilities that you simply really feel greatest symbolize her. Zero Parades additionally includes a Thought Cupboard-like system which grants larger buffs atop the sport’s current modifiers, like clothes, and even enforces inventive restrictions meant to allow you to extra deeply sublimate your self within the position. For instance, the Conditioned thought Jar of Faces may give me a bonus to Personalism, which helps me relate to folks extra in dialog. As a requisite although, my operant couldn’t disguise her literal face behind a masks or disguise of types with out risking shedding the aide for a sure period of time.
In idea, it’s a system that asks you to do one thing even Hershel struggles with: drawing clear traces. Between her spy persona and her true being. Between the correct and improper selections for the operation and world. In any case, one of many larger tensions of the sport is rooted in Hershel’s difficult relationship to the band of property and spies that she as soon as befriended and misplaced. It’s a subject that comes up quite a lot of occasions all through this sordid story through late-night confessionals and the like. Who’s Hershel Wilk, the particular person? Who’s CASCADE, the agent? Are they one and the identical?
In observe, the outcomes are blended, partly as a result of it seems like this technique might’ve been harsher. Like I mentioned, my Hershel was a multitude of conflicting ideologies and worldviews, however I by no means felt penalized for this indecisiveness. Beneficiant XP positive factors allowed me to unfold my stats in such a approach that by the tip of my 30-hour playthrough, I used to be solely piss-poor in a single division (sorry, Poetics). Basically, I used to be capable of overcome most debuffs by brute power, trivializing the system solely.

Furthermore, the kind of spy Hershel appeared to be largely depended upon what the situation known as for, and her stat-modifying wardrobe shifted to satisfy the demand usually. Thankfully for me—and fewer lucky for the contrivances the sport tried to foist upon me—Zero Parades is wealthy with choices to ameliorate the stress which conditioning ideas are supposed to introduce. Methods in battle? Love that shit. However Zero Parades’ interlocking mechanics most frequently labored in my favor, moderately than in opposition to me, making for a clean journey over what I’d hoped is perhaps choppier waters.
It’s uncommon to desire a rougher go in a sport, however as somebody fairly conditioned to issue, and who relishes an RPG that’s keen and desperate to power robust selections upon its gamers, Zero Parades felt devoid of those frictional parts, opting as a substitute to maintain plying Hershel with an abundance of (figurative and literal) drunk cigarettes to appease any ills or ache factors. I informed you they’re unhealthy for you!
“An act of affection, carried out hatefully.” That’s how one character describes the service that the prickly music vendor Petre offers, and he’s as soon as once more an ideal analog for the bigger automobile that’s Zero Parades. It is a sport bristling with anger—an anger that appears as knowledgeable by the world exterior of the developer’s partitions as it’s by the drama contained inside them. And ZA/UM has efficiently channeled a lot of that rage into a lot of Zero Parades’ extra glowing facets, however anger is a messy emotion to attempt to convey eloquently. It’s not possible to completely hold the lid on it, and because of this, it does often really feel like Zero Parades, a piece that’s justifiably mad on the destabilizing forces of capital and the vacancy of mass tradition amongst numerous different issues, succumbs to its rage and embraces chaos.
Chaos is the very best descriptor of a few of the narrative’s later and extra extravagant detours, detours which I all the time understood but in addition believed might’ve been dealt with extra elegantly. “Chaotic” is, to me, essentially the most apt approach to describe each the shortly destabilizing state of Zero Parades‘ Developed World and the spy on the coronary heart of all of it attempting to vary issues. Chaotic and ugly.
Zero Parades is an enormous ugly sport for an enormous ugly world. Good luck on the Opera, and possibly convey a lightweight.
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